Getting older

Have you ever looked at your younger self and wondered what was I thinking? How could I find that attractive? Or why on earth did I ever feel that way? There is great beauty in growing up, a great beauty in becoming an adult. With adulthood should come wisdom, maturity, and having security within yourself. I believe the greatest fortune is having self-worth, self-love and being happy with yourself on the inside. And I don’t mean happiness, self-love, and self-worth that comes from accomplishing goals or having riches etc, but something inside you that is there regardless of your haves and have nots in life. It’s something inside, a fulfillment that you have inside that you don’t need any human being or anything in this world to fill for you, because you have it. Your full, your content. I don’t know how to explain it and it’s quite late so basically I am just thinking out loud and writing. Anyway what am I getting at? I think the older we get the more we gain wisdom, maturity, self-worth/love, and inner security, well at least that is the hope. As a youngster, one is still finding their self, learning their self, and building their self. When I look at some of the things I used to worry about it or the qualities I used to find attractive, I am kinda of amazed and ask myself what was I thinking? And I was always mature for my age.

Religiously and culturally we are encouraged to marry young. Marry so we won’t fall into sin of having sex out of wedlock. And I am not here to argue the pros and cons of this advice, there is plenty of articles and videos on youtube speaking on the issue to help one gain insight. I think everyone is different and all of our paths will be different, thus choose your own path. I just know for me personally marrying at a younger age would have cheated me from self-discovery and I don’t think I would have made a good spouse (not saying I am a bad person or anything). But as I grow older I have become much more mature, patient, kind, understanding, caring, compassionate, loving, knowledgeable, and considerate, in short a much better woman than I was several years ago and thus I would make a better spouse today than I did several years ago. And with time life experiences should inshaAllah make us better human beings that are more useful to ourselves and to others.

Furthermore as I have grown older what I value and find beautiful has drastically changed. While before I found good looks and other superficial elements beautiful, now as an adult those elements are the last thing I look at. In fact I am not even moved in the slightest bit by the outwardly elements. It is the heart of a person, the sweetness of good character that I find most beautiful and that is what stirs my heart. What I am saying is if I had gotten married at 20 I may have been divorced by now at 24 because I am still growing into who I am and discovering more about life. Yes granted life will always initiate personal growth for us, but in my opinion when you are younger that growth is like a storm its intense, strong and drastic changes can occur, while as an adult inner growth is more like a wind- refined, steady as you are very much settled into yourself if that makes sense.

This is why I’ll never understand men that prefer younger women, simply because of the number of their age not looks here. I can understand attraction to physical beauty, but it’s the idea of wanting a younger woman just because she is younger, something that is exists in many cultures if not all. I was talking to one of my uncles, who is in his mid twenties when he was in search of a bride. Among his requirements was his bride be younger than him. I was baffled. It had nothing to do with beauty, because a 35 year old woman can be more beautiful than a 20 year old, it was the mentality of having the wife be younger. A 35 year old, even if delightfully beautiful, I asked. The thought alone almost gave him a heart attack. What am I going to do with an old woman he asked! Even if an older woman could take care of his needs much more than a younger woman ever could, and indeed the older a woman is the better she will be in all aspects of life (generally speaking), but no it didn’t matter to him and I am sure his viewpoint is shared by many men, perhaps that is why we are encouraged to get married while we are still young-ie our selections from eligible bachelors will get fewer and fewer as we get older. Seems humanity has not evolved much at all.


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